So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
