Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
