she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
