he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Small penises have feelings too.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
