Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
