This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
