I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
