I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
