We're facebook friends in real life
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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