2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
