youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
