I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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