Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i now understand why vodka
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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