I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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