Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
