Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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