it wasn't lemon gatorade
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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