I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize