i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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