I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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