Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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