Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
