I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I want a musical about memes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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