i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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