it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
