Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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