On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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