so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
