why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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