hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
