K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
