Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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