i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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