Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
