I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
