areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
FUCK WHALES
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
