Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
