Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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