He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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