My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
