We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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