Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
