I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
