The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
