Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
