Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
this boner is exhausting
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
