Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
