she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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