I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think your dad took our porno
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
