the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
