I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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