I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
