Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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