You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
