I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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