Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
