then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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