I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
