the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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