Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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