And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think my vagina is haunted
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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