I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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