apparently the secret to your success is patron
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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