He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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