the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
