Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
