I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
