I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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