alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i out mim tonsoeep
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